Finding the worst landlords in America

I love the internet.  It’s my second best friend (nothing comes before my car).  If you want to research anything, anything at all, just go to your favorite search engine and type in a couple of words.  I guarantee you’ll find something; the internet will never let you down.  Unless you’re looking for the best landlords in America.  I searched through five pages of results and didn’t find a single reference to a “best” landlord.  That’s when this article took a drastic turn.  Now try searching for the worst landlords or bad landlords in America.  Jackpot.

The worst landlords in America are famous

Here’s what this little exercise taught me: we like to complain.  Be a good landlord, maybe go a little above and beyond, and nobody will applaud.  Your name will not be published, people will not talk about what a good landlord you are, and no one will send you a thank you card.  On the other hand, if you completely suck at your job, if you’re the absolute worst landlord ever, you can become instantly famous.

Being the worst landlord in America

If instant fame is on your list of things to do, you should think about becoming a landlord.  Once you have your slum picked out just follow the five guidelines below.  Soon you’ll be the worst landlord in America and people will dedicate entire websites to you.

1.       First-We’ll start with the most obvious sign of a bad landlord.  Tenants generally don’t like to live in filthy apartments.  We might not vacuum as often as we should and the bathroom could maybe use some Clorox, but there’s a big difference between dirty and filthy.  To be the worst landlord in America, get rid of the janitor.  Let the mold take over, stop the trash pickup, and never ever replace carpet and toilet seats when the old tenants move out.

2.       Disrepair-The next step in becoming the worst landlord in America is to leave things broken.  Rats will be your biggest ally once you get really good at leaving things filthy.  They’ll chew giant holes in the walls and probably your tenants’ belongings.  Leaky pipes will destroy ceilings and floors all at the same time when you let them go long enough.  Once everything is falling apart leave it alone.

3.       Criminal Activity-No one likes to see a drug dealer or prostitute on their doorstep, but let’s be honest here, shady characters are drawn to run-down slums like moths to light.  Since you are now the proud owner of a bona fide slum the underbelly of the city will be moving into your unlocked basements and covered entries.  Don’t worry about it though, this is just one more thing required to be the worst landlord in America.

4.       Anger-tenants really hate angry landlords.  To up your status as the worst landlord in America you should go into a fit of violent rage whenever your tenants try to speak to you.  Swear at them, throw things at them, lock them out at night, call them ugly names, the list is endless.

5.       Lie-Insist that your tenants either don’t pay rent or don’t live there.  There’s a landlord in New York who you should read up on if you want to be the worst landlord in America.  He refuses to take tenants’ rent checks or does but won’t cash them and then sues them for not paying rent.  Now that’s the kind of landlord we want to be so that we can be famous!

You could be the worst landlord in America

There are a lot of bad landlords in America so there’s some serious competition out there.  Do some research to find out what it will take to be the best.  Work hard and someday you might top the list of the worst landlords in America.  Won’t it be great when everyone knows your name?

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